:: Where is my little cattle?? ::

Sunday, November 13, 2005

ever since dad passed away last mth... i juz dun haf da mood to continue writing my bloggie n playing my favourite pc game The Sims2... well life juz gotta go on... things are slowing going bac to normal... juz dat there is something missing... missing from my life but always has a place in my heart....

sometimes... the mere thought of dad will make my eyes glisten wif tears.. how my innocent & naive nephew will ask us where is grandpa... how mum tok abt the last time she saw dad n breakin into tears at the thought of it... i kow its a relief to dad dat the suffering has ended, but i somehow still wish he was well n still around....

when i was small, dad will dote on me alot.. buying me presents for my b-day n fetching me to n from sch... though occasionally there was the cane when mi n sis were naughty... i knew dat dad had high hopes on mi n there were times when i disappoint him n let him down... he still forgive mi.... in our memories, dad is not a person who always smile (it's hard to find him in photos smiling)...

over the yrs dad's health deteriorated... he was always in n out of the hospital every alternate yr until it became frequent tis yr... i know dad had always hope to see sis n mi married, and if God's willing, to see any grandchild before his gone... he had two wish fulfiled only... when sis married in aug'02 & gave birth to Davien in jan'03. Davien become dad's pride n joy (we always said Davien was dad's golden grandson)... dat was when you can see dad smiling everyday... playing wif Davien n teaching him how to walk n talk... we could say dat Davien lead my dad by his nose..

dad nv got his last wish fulfiled... to see me have my customary wedding and mi & hubby serve him tea... dat was my biggest regret in life.. if only i had listen to mum to serve him the tea 1st... i had hoped dat dad will fight on and see mi on my Big Day. our next regret was dat there wasn't any proper family photo.. mum had ask dad to take a family photo at the studio, but he simply refused... we still dun know why... was it plain superstitious or he juz dun wish to take one?? tis we'll nv know... there are simply juz too many "if only"

somehow the tears juz keep flowing down when i'm writing tis blog... we can all be putting up a strong front but i know all of us are greiving silently in our hearts.... especially mum who has lost her soulmate of more den 30yrs...

i guess i shall stop.. else i will juz go on n on n on..............................................

Moo-ed Moo-ed @ 4:10 AM